Uncertainty: Is This a Whiney Blog Post, or Isn't It?

“The more comfortable you become with uncertainty,
the more fearless and open you become to life.”

I’ve never really been one to envision my own future. Yes, I’ve daydreamed about stuff. I’ve thought ahead about work, relationships, and vacations… I constantly play out different scenarios in my head for many occasions. I have an IRA and know I want a family, but I’ve never really thought about my future in a serious “big picture” fashion.

And the only real dream I’ve ever had? I accomplished a few months ago (working WrestleMania for the WWE). It’d be easy to come up with some other goal to focus on, some other dream to achieve and strive for, but is that really life? What I did that weekend was something I set my sights on as a kid. Regardless of the ridiculousness of it, it was something I’ve been chasing subliminally and/or intentionally for years. I don’t have anything left like that. So… what’s next?

For the past few months, I’ve been practicing mindfulness, usually in the form of guided meditation through an app. And for the most part, it’s been spot on— almost bordering on “creepy” (relationship ones when I’ve been struggling in that department, anger when I’m having a bad day, etc.… it’s making a case for either “greatest app ever” or “all those big brother conspiracy theories are right”). Today’s mediation was on embracing uncertainty, and it gave me this golden nugget:

“Get comfortable with the unknown, and embrace change as often as you can to build the habit.  View change as an opportunity to learn and grow. Shake things up. Do things differently. And take risks, because it’s vital to living a happy life. You’ve only got this one, so don’t play it safe. Live the life you desire, without fear. Embracing uncertainty and stepping into the unknown is where life truly begins.”

Shake things up, do things differently, and take risks.

Those resonated.

Maybe they struck that chord in me so perfectly because of the opportunity that I’ve recently been presented to travel and do just that. I have a chance to go out and live in an unknown place, doing a new job, and seeing things I don't even know I haven't seen.

I’ve been living life one way— I’ve never really thought about where I want to end up, what exactly I want to be doing (my industry of TV Production is a broad field with hundreds of specialized positions), with whom, or any of that. The closest thing I had was to be able to say I’ve worked a WrestleMania. And now that I’ve done that, I don’t have anything to focus on. Now, that’s not to say the last 6 years of my career have all been to production assistant at WrestleMania for the WWE— far from that, as a matter of fact. But now, for whatever reason, it just seems like every day that I’m booked on in the future is just a gig. There’s nothing special about any of them. They’re just there. Nothing will ever top working WrestleMania in my eyes. It's not that I won’t have fun or enjoy them, but that gig was extremely special to me, and everything else just seems... normal.

Which makes me feel like I’m lost in a sea of ordinary. Granted, in that metaphor, I’m a sailor who enjoys being on the water, but that’s not the point. The point is, maybe it’s time for a shake up. Maybe it’s time to go ashore, and try experiencing life as a farmer. Maybe, from the land, I’ll gain a different perspective on the ocean. See another accomplishment just floating out there, waiting to be caught. Or maybe, I’ll realize that all along, I was pursuing that magical catch, when my true calling was growing crops.

But like I said, the rub is that I know I enjoy doing what I’m currently doing. I know I’m good at it. I know I can turn this into a viable career. I have the friends, the guidance, and the drive to keep this going, and to be happy while doing it. But would that be playing it safe? I know all these things. There’s no uncertainty there. No unknown. Not on a large scale.

Traveling is such a mystery box. The ups and downs of travel are a huge part of it. But there’s so much out there, just waiting to be seen. Different ways of life, other cultures, people who live like you’d never imagine, or people living just like you in such different places. And there’s a particular freedom to being a gypsy (not financial freedom, but just about every other type of freedom). Embracing that uncertainty, in the small doses I have so far, just seems so… full of life.

Maybe after I get a better taste of it, I’ll realize the grass was actually greener where I was. Or maybe, after that taste, I’ll want the whole meal. Who knows… but I think that’s the point of life, right?

(Written in May, 2017. Not posted until August, 2017)

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